Good mawning bishes.

Monday found a good vein this morning as it shot me up with a bit of vain and I did 75 pushups hoping, at some point, the 1940ish pine hardwood would give way and I’d fall through to the garages we can’t use because the landlord has his bullshit stored down there. But if you want a table or chair, I can hook you up. For a price. Don’t hesitate, like Monday, I don’t offer free shit twice. Unless it’s my licker love lice, crawling all over you….oh baby….I know they feel so nice.

Penis Update

“Clint, this is very unfair, you realize by delaying my blisteringly fast exhalation, the velocity in which i exhale and spew like a baby who doesn’t like yogurt, will possibly kill someone, put an eye out, or at the very least, blow the bottom out of a fucking mayonnaise jar. And you KNOW this maaaaaan.”

I’m still not listening to him. Let’s see how long this can lasts.

Why You Should Love Japan, But Not Go To Wacdonald’s While There

People were arrested for filming a porn movie in the corner of McDonald’s Higashi Matsuyama Itoyokado outlet in Higashi Matsuyama, Saitama Prefecture.

Where?

Could you imagine some redneck dialing 911 with an address like that? What’s the zip code? The periodic table spoken in swahili with a little emphasis on the FU element?

FU is an element on the periodic table. Without Fuck You, there’d not be much to say to each other on dates. I know my heavenly body of equality would agree with me. Wouldn’t ya dear?

Moving on,

Yes, they filmed a porno in Mcdonald’s, during the day.

I love the Japanese media. Here’s the quote for quote opening paragraph:

McDonald’s customers suspected something amiss when one guy pulled out his whopper. They knew for sure when he began partaking of fur burger. The upshot was four people trying to make an adult movie in a fast food outlet ended up getting arrested, says Friday .

Three older men and a dental nurse, Nahoko Shimada, 21, were the ones who commit this heinous crime….heroes that have given me an idea. [whisper]Mark it, dear.[/whisper]


“(Shimada) came into the restaurant holding hands with Ochiai. But Ochiai didn’t look the type good enough to pick up a woman like her, so I thought something fishy was going on,” a customer in the store at the time of the incident tells Friday. “It was even more suspicious because there was one young woman surrounded by all those much older guys.”

Always something doing do with money when you see some hot young lady with some guy that looks like God teabagged him with his set of steel balls and made his pubic hair smell like old cheese forever. Foreva eva eva? ForfuckingEVER.

Enough about God’s big wrecking balls and cheese nuts.

This Girl Is Kinda Shy



Jennifer Moss, 32, known in Ojai as “Pastie Lady” or “Earth Friend Jen,” rides around town in pasties and a G-string made of hemp to support natural-fiber clothing and the healing powers of water. In the year since she began pedaling in her scant attire, Moss has been arrested and ticketed.

What fucking homo is dropping the dime on her riding her bike with a g-string and pasties on…..?

Someone needs to find this guy and hopefully he’ll be able to talk, even with a vibrator shoved up his ass that reads “THERMOS” on it.

But here’s the point and this is why she’s my
Fuck Religion Hero Of The Day

She may go to jail because she stood outside in her outfit as Easter Mass let out outside of a Catholic Church.


She chose Easter Mass, she said, because “there are so many bad people who are hurting and destroying the Earth, and many of them are religious people.”

Amen. And if you don’t believe it, message me. I’ll be glad to take your tiny simpleton mind and make it my prison bitch. You’ll be walking kinda straddle-legged and hearing the words “suck it boy” until your mind will melt and we can put you in a needle and take turns shooting you up because freebasing religious mind gets me higher than you do when you smile.

Getting Married Is Every Girl’s Dream Especially When You’re Eight…..Wait….WTF

She may be the world’s first 8-year-old divorcee.

Eight-year-old Nujoud al-Ahdal, whose marriage was terminated by a court last week, attends a news conference with her lawyer Shatha Nasser in Sanaa April 21, 2008.
(Khaled Abdullah/Reuters)

When Nojoud Mohammed Ali’s parents arranged her marriage to a 30-year-old man, it was consistent with the mores of Yemen, her home country on the tip of the Arabian peninsula. For girls like Nojoud, such arrangements mean falling prey to physical and sexual abuse.

“He used to do bad things to me, and I had no idea as to what a marriage is. I would run from one room to another in order to escape, but in the end he would catch me and beat me and then continued to do what he wanted,” Nojoud told the Yemen Times.

“I cried so much, but no one listened to me.”

But the child escaped. She fled from her new husband’s home and found her way to a nearby courthouse. There she found a lawyer, Shatha Ali Nasser.

“I met her by chance in the court, and I took her case. She went alone to the court. … The police and employees told me about her,” Nasser told ABC News.

This girl deserves hella props for running away and finding a lawyer. We got white women over here that’ll let motherfuckers slap them, cheat on them, busts nuts in they face when they don’t wanna have sex, get them pregnant when they don’t want to, leave them, verbally and emotionally abuse them, and they stay with the man forever. A white woman would rather wear sunglasses to hide her black eye just so she can keep carrying that fucking Gucci bag and wearing them Versace pant suits. Or on the other side of things, she needs him to go lay brick and make money cuz she can’t work, has no high school diploma or GED, and just really wants a good joint to smoke while the four babies from different baby daddys take their mid-morning nap while she watches Montel and the irony in the room destroys the trailer she rests her lard ass in as if a tornado of irony dropped down and sucked back up into the deep chuckle of my laughter. Another waste of life done away with.

We’ll all be one link up in traffic tomorrow and one penny richer cuz we don’t have to pay for that bitch’s similac anymore.

Sad?

Blow me.

If you didn’t get my point there, about the difference in strong minds and weak minds there, then again?

Blow me.

The little girl kicks ass and if I saw her, I’d give her a hug and a sucker soaked in hydrocodone.

Weather

Today,

a high of don’t know if I can get by, an incoming and imminent friday night, meeting you under the cheesy moonlight, enjoy the saturday afternoon drive, windows down in my incognito contradictory coupe fueled by tiny hands with thoughts of going 95 on 59 while wanting to add 10 to get sixy-nine to make it the right taste of good wine.

Tonight,

a low of longing for something longer than a loose noose to hang my brain on a banzai tree and wait for the butter knife cuts to bleed. You are the drug. I am the seed. Plant us, grow us, smoke us, and you’ll be dancing like a stoned bear that hit our love weed. We do birthday parties if getting down lessons are what you need.

freeball

please don’t say i hate you
heart flutters before syllables
passionately stroke my ear-
found an angel
for my satan within
sitting indian style
in a graveyard telling jokes
about how ridiculously boring
you are when you’re dead
twisted tales of how they got there
and lovage plays inside our heads
“jealous of the worms and the flies inside of me”
i bend her over the tombstone
and like equals,
we diplomatically shake hands
like lobbyists with twisted souls
maggots and holes riddled throughout this land,
i thrust once more,
deep, square dancing inside of her devilish heaven
she turns her head behind her
masterlocking my eyes
and we both sigh and say, “we need white sand.”

from a dead mind and mild monday bittersweet,
c