Good mawning bishes.

If I were doing any better, I’d have to take something for it.
It’s Wednesday or ends-day. Because the entire day represents the end of my subdued inhibitions. Thursday, a wild hair will begin to grow. By Friday, I’ll be balls deep in a foreign land and my mind will be shut off by the sharp blow of her ceiling fan blades as they stroke the back of my head. We’re not all alive, but we’re clearly never dead. Spirits sprinkled on us all like crushed black pepper when a crow flies and its wings are spread.

Word Of The Day

Pandiculation- n.- the act of stretching and yawning.

During one of my many acts of pandiculation today, I thought about getting old and enjoying a nurse’s sponge bath. Or any ‘ole bitch really.

Alright. If everything’s going well in the morning, I probably don’t have anything immediately pressing when I get to work. Therefore, I read the fresh wires as they come off and chuckle at how weak and beautiful we are as a world. However today, I almost lost my shit laughing at this piece:

Someone poured deer piss in an air conditioner unit in a high school classroom at a school in Eastern Tennessee. I would link it, but AP has picked it up, so I’ll just have to tell you about it like I’m your porch monkey Granpappy. Quiet or Pappy spank. Anyways, like I was saying, some sly bastard poured deer piss in the AC. Firefighters were sent to the school Monday after the odor became overpowering. Paramedics had to treat some students for headache and nausea.
Call me an asshole, but that’s the point that I started laughing. Whatever asshat did this, he gets an A for many reasons. Reason numero uno being, A is for asshole. H is for Hilarious. C is for Classic.

I have the same 3 letter grades for my sexual performances as well. Rarr.

Moving on,

That thing in the schoolboy uniform is a guy. He’s wearing lipgloss. He’s pretending to be a member of a boarding school at a schoolboy themed cafe in Tokyo. A concept that Tokyo has been employing over the past few years. Some of the cafes have girls dressed as french maids and shit and I think that’s hot and they need to do that in Birmingham. I’m not being biased either. We can have cafes for women like the one pictured above as well. I guess I could come out of retirement to serve you ladies fresh milkshakes.
Anyways, the really fucked up thing is there’s a giant boom in japan for boy-love manga. Manga are comics about boy-boy romance for female readers.

Don’t worry. I had to read the sentence twenty seven times myself. The “headmistress” aka boss at the boarding school aka gay cafe for chicks loves these homo-erotic comic books.

“I’m in the flower arrangement club,” whispers one girlish, long-haired waiter at the cafe, looking up from the book of German poetry he is reading.

I wonder if they allow tasers inside of there. Taser. Girlishly smooth scrotums. A relationship made in my own personal hell.

By the way, if you want to make your man feel uncomfortable, just get really close to his ear and whisper, “Girlishly smooth scrotum” in his ear.

Speaking of which, we’ve got our speck of diarrhea for the day:

Take a good look ladies, he’ll make you cover every inch of your body and face. After that, he’ll make you attend psychological counseling to help you learn how to properly behave in society. And if you’re a prostitute, he’ll fuck you and a few of your friends six ways from Sunday. Yay Hypocrisy!

Oh yeah…he’s also Tehran’s police chief. A man in charge of “moralisation of the city.”

He was arrested after he was found nude in a local brothel with six nude prostitutes. I smell badussy.
He led the modesty crackdown on women like I commented on above. How fitting.

In effect, he stepped down immediately. He said this to the free press back in ‘07:


Since the drive began police in his region have handed out 113,454 warnings to women found to have infringed Iran’s strict Islamic dress rules.

“Of these 1,600 cases have been given to the judiciary” for further investigation, he said.

He added that 5,700 people — including 1,400 men — have been sent to “guidance classes” on how to behave in society.

I guess I know what he means. Those burkhas just make me a man uncontrollable. Not being able to tell if a woman even has body parts under her gown makes me want to fuck any gloryhole I can find including those I made with my cock bayonet. Yes, duct tape a bowie knife onto your tallywhacker and call it your cock bayonet. However, do not run with it. Unless you’ve warned everyone near.

So the news is out of the way and it’s just you and me baby.

Weather

Today,

a high of when the crow flies as I spot one being shy above. Looking for doves leaves you in gloves super glued together. Choking on imaginary feathers. I’m trying to find a way up the mountain while you swim in the fountain. Just wave when the flood comes. I might, just might, look up from my glass of malibu rum. Everything tastes like chicken until the rain comes.

Tonight,

a low of deathly licks and tickles as the motion of the river turns to fake icicles and we’re drowning in our own contradictions. Welcomed addictions. If you’re thinking of going all out, it’s only Wednesday. Save your prescriptions.

freeball

to compare collected stones
and hangups inherited from our fathers
is surfing hot lava
in order to find the core of our drunken oath
mumbled from our mouths
in a tongue that only our sexual organs understand
if brains mattered that much,
we’d bump them together instead,
for this purpose,
i must sleep in a bed,
not a couch,
or a floor,
not even the pensacola shore,
i fight battles with myself
more brutally than anything else,
you want to see the inside of something
that I have
when I’ve never even looked inside of it myself
so at the entrance of an emotional rollercoaster
let’s turn back
i’m scared
and you
are glad i’m scared

if you scared,
say you scared?

fuckin a,
clint